Arabian Horses as Healers

I think I've been pretty outspoken on this blog about what owning Arabian horses has meant to my mental health. I know that connection has kept me sane and given me a reason to live. I understand that horses do that for a lot of people but for me it is particularly Arabian horses that hold that power.

There's something about the need an Arabian horse has to be in the company of humans that has been very healing for me. That special attachment that comes when one chooses me to be his/her human has been more healing than all those years of therapy ever were. Sometimes it feels like just being in the presence of a treasured horse can lift the heaviness from my heart and make it sing again even on the worst days.

But that has not been the only healing that Arabian horses have done in this family. I have also written about my daughter, Lindsay, and her bout with brain cancer. Despite almost the total destruction of the balance center in her brain, Lindsay has recovered far beyond what the doctors ever imagined possible. She still has some issues but she's not in that wheel chair she came home from the hospital sporting and she can take pretty good care of herself (although she needs assistance with managing her finances). Her recovery would be deemed by many as miraculous and I know a huge part of that recovery was won on the back of an Arabian horse and earned in caring for this herd.

You'd think two major things like that in one family would be enough. Yet I have one more story to tell about Arabian horses helping to overcome huge obstacles in this family. This third thing really has to do with two younger members of my family, two of my grandsons.

We learned on Saturday that my grandson, Wil (age 4), has just been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. This is not the first time I have seen this disorder, my oldest grandson, David (age 21), I have suspected since soon after his birth was autistic.

Unfortunately for David that was twenty years ago. There wasn't nearly as much known about autism then as there is now. Neurologists missed the diagnosis many times. David was high enough functioning that the rest of the family was in denial. It only took one not so good neurologist to see him (but not test him) for the family to close ranks and decide that David was just fine.

Today, they can see that they did David a disservice but things aren't so easy to fix for him now. He's an adult and he's had a tough road. Lots of damage has been done because he was misunderstood and didn't get the help he needed.

Actually just hearing that Wil has been diagnosed with autism changes my perspective on this child and has helped change what some see in David. The parallels in behavior between the two boys are so much clearer. It's much easier to understand the "why" in the behavior now.

For me as Grandma, one of the biggest things about both boys was their lack of connection to people. Right from the beginning the lack of eye contact, the avoidance of being touched, the tuning out were obvious.

While I would say that David was more severe than Wil, both boys didn't speak except to their primary caregivers and their siblings. Yet there was a detachment even with those relationships. Nothing huge........a subtle oddness that made me wonder.............and wonder a lot.

I'm not an expert on autism, although I imagine I probably will be one someday. But one thing I know for sure, the way that you "break through" with those kids is through what interests them. You cannot take their focus and change it to what you want them to learn. You must find what they are focused on and use it to communicate. My understanding is that is key.

Neither boy spoke to me for a long time. I think David was four before he spoke his first words to me. Wil was three. Can you imagine what it's like to have a child or a grandchild who doesn't speak to you for that long?

There's a miracle there for me and David and Wil and it has to do with Arabian horses. These two boys were both drawn to Arabian horses just like their grandmother. The key to our relationships have been those horses.

I clearly remember the first time David spoke to me. Colleen, David and I were standing next to the fence at the small pasture looking at a new foal. Colleen and I were talking like magpies discussing the newest addition to our herd when I heard in a loud firm voice, "Grandma!"

The word startled me. I had never heard it from a child before. I looked down at little David and could tell from the expression on his face that he had asked me a question but I had missed it.

Not expecting to hear from him, I wasn't listening for a small voice. He thought I didn't answer because he didn't address me properly (something his mother was working on with him) so he called me by name.........only because he wanted to know something about that horse and the followed it with his question once again.

I don't remember the question. All I remember is it was about the horse. I remember the first eye contact the child ever made with me. I remember that for several years the only time the child talked to be had to do with my horses. I remember the bridge provided by an Arabian horse.

Fast forward twenty years and I can almost repeat the story word for word with Wil. This child was three but our first conversation was about an Arabian horse. Wil wants to know every detail about them. He is consumed by them as only an autistic child can be.

Wil was prompted to speak to me on many occasions before but he always declined. Not only would he not talk to me, he would look away when asked to address me. It was clear that I was not in his comfort zone. Although I didn't suspect at the time it was the autism I had easily recognized in David. It's only in looking back after the diagnosis I can see the similarities.

But I clearly remembered the first time he spoke to me. He asked his father a question about the horses and his father told him he was going to have to ask me. I was the only one with the answer and he turned to me, took a deep deep breath, looked in my eyes and asked his question about my Arabian horses. What do you think the odds are that two young lives with two heavy burdens would find their way to a relationship with their grandmother through the same channel?

For me, it's another miracle! And just one more reason that Arabian horses are precious to me. I know from first hand experience that they can reach even the most damaged child and give her hope. There's something very healing about the spirit of an Arabian horse, at least in this family anyways.